Remembering

This weekend I found that I didn't have the focus or the patience to sit down to do the exercises in either of the two books I've mentioned and so I dipped into a different ones.  Sorry that all of the books I list will be older - some because I've acquired them during my 30+ years in ministry, and some because the books that have been recommended seem to be those that are not recently published.

Anyway, I turned to Simple Abundance  This is a daybook -- with readings for each day of the year.  So I flipped the book to July 26 and was invited to "Discover What You'd Like to Do, If You Ever Had the Time.  How appropriate for someone who has the time and is exploring what I'd like to do with it.  Part of the exercise was to reflect on all of the things that gave me pleasure when I was growing up.  Some things I could easily remember, and some were quickly discarded.  But many more remained hidden, and it was only when I was out walking that my mind slipped its bonds and remembered and mused.

I used to like to roller skate (before the days of inline skates or roller blades) and to cross country ski, and to ice skate ... I also remember how I liked to climb trees - especially if there were lower branches which made climbing easier.  I remember how before pseudo-sophistication kicked in my best friend and I would climb a tree which had wide branches that made comfortable seats, and we would read stories that we had written.  Yes, Nancy, I know that most of what we wrote was crazy and is best left buried in the past, but I do remember how much pleasure we derived from our dreams and daydreams and cockamamie schemes which hurt no one but let our imaginations soar, completely unfettered by reality..

And remembering, I wondered if this is what was intended by that voice.  Is it beckoning to writing for pleasure?  Writing, not simply a blog, but something more and something different and something that has its roots in those days now long gone ...  

Some years ago I found a counted cross stitch pattern that captured the spirit of those days for me, and I even began to stitch it.  But somewhere along the way it lost its appeal.  I kept it in the WIP file (Work In Progress) for some years before acknowledging that it was a dream that either wasn't meant to be, or a symbol that had served its purpose, and I let it go    Perhaps that was more symbolic than I knew at the time.

And so the spark for new dreams and new visions is there.  It seems that so many things I pick up these days carry an invitation to dream and discern and rediscover ...  And so I plan to continue.  But I also acknowledge that I am not yet ready to devote time every day to this endeavour.  Perhaps I started prematurely, or perhaps my muse is enticing me to play with my dreams, my visions, and my time, and not to take myself or this process so seriously, but to listen to the spirit and to respond freely and openly.  I do not yet know.

I only know that already, even if it is only here, I have once again begun to write.

Nothing Much to See Here

I did my best today, but couldn't get settled ... or stay settled no matter how much I tried.

I started the first exercise from my discernment book ... and got partway but then my brain simply refused to co-operate.  Perhaps it was because I couldn't imagine feeling the warmth of the sun on me when the breeze was blowing in from the window and was quite cool.  Perhaps it was simply a spirit's rebellion at attempts to impose a new discipline.  After 15 minutes I gave up, but I will try again tomorrow.

Since I couldn't settle but felt that I owed a little more time, I picked up Empowerment  The Art of Creating Your Life as You Want It by David Gershon & Gail Straub (an old book that would have to be found at a used book store or a site like AbeBooks.com)  I'm ready to embark on the first exercise there too ... having now read all of the preparatory notes and the introductory materials. 

We'll see which book calls my name in the morning, and what progress I make!.  

Sabbatical Again!

Some of you know that I declared that I would be on sabbatical until at least the beginning of November.  At the time I made the declaration I made no commitments to any schedule or obligations in regard to the sabbatical.  Indeed, I did not intend to have any formal structure to this time.

But, if you've ever made a habit of listening for that still, small voice, even if only so you could ignore it, then perhaps you will not be surprised to hear that out of the blue the other morning, as I was preparing to go to meet a friend and colleague, a small voice said very clearly: "It's time you were writing."  And so, here I am, months ahead of schedule, revisiting this blog, because as I was driving to my rendezvous I had an internal conversation going on inside my head, and perhaps my heart, trying to sort out exactly what that "writing" might be.  

Does it simply mean journalng?  Does it mean that it is time to begin the process of discernment that I had tentatively scheduled to begin in November?  Does it mean something I have yet to fathom?  I am not sure, but I have decided that the best way for me to determine the meaning and perhaps the mission, will be for me to begin a process of discernment, and so, should anyone happen to discover that this blog is once again an active one, I invite you to join me in your own process of discovery.

I still have a fairly extensive library of books related to this process, and after perusing several, narrowed my choice to three or four, beginning with Decision Making & Spiritual Discernment by Nancy L. Bieber available here  

I've dipped into the book, but have not yet begun the process, though I have pen and notebook ready.  I am intrigued because the author begins with an invitation to respond to the invitation for a closer relationship with God, however you understand that word, by affirming a willingness to respond to the invitation and to affirm a commitment to this journey of discovery.  Are you ready to come along?

More tomorrow!